Stories of Me, me and ME :)

Never realize how deeply sad i am..

Never realize that tears finally rolled down my cheeks..

Never realize i miss my parents so badly that i need them so bad..

Never realize how weak i am that i want to be in my parents' shoulders for a comfort..

Never realize behind my every smile theres a really sad smile hiding inside..

Never realize that the truth kills my smile..

but behind every never realize, it makes me try to be strong now to face the challenges in my life..owhh this wasn't that bad im going through compare before. so stand up confidently cla :) its just some little thing that i need to forget and going through every single thing that im going through now in my life. i admit that i slowly drifting away.

my holidays start now, but for the first time im gonna stuck at miri for my free weeks. its just not like me who not going back to kk during the free weeks especially with zero plan on the free weeks? its just not me. i try my really best to not go back and stay here at Miri.. i do really miss my parents a lot like really really a lot.. but i have to make myself strong of not going back to kk. i skyped video call with my parents last night and i feel guilty that they saw me crying while webcaming with them. :( i miss you all so much :( oh well, i hope within my 2 weeks hols, i hope everything gonna be fine.

Theres something that i promise myself that starting from yesterday onwards, i wont and never will mention out anything about it anymore. its just too "makakasakit" to actually saying anything about it or to remember it.so why just not talk about it then?. right?

the lyric is out ouchhh...

til then, thats all from me.

bye.

I've been feeling so plain since friday and till now i do still feel so plain. theres no reason at all to make me really smile about, to laugh about, to happy about. just so plain feeling. seriously i have no idea whats really on my mind is all about. it sucks that you are not that sure whats really make you feel this way..maybe we do know, but we deny to know the reason behind the plain feeling. i tried many ways to make me doesn't feel the way i am now.. i tried my friend's ways, he say hang out with friends and go out and have fun, watch movies, drink.. but i've done all of this.. but the plain feeling just doesnt want to go away. this week isn't my week. everything seems just so not right about. but heck, thats life huh? i pray that i will have a great days ahead.

This semester i hang out with few different groups of friends with different background, race n all sort. somehow i realize that wow my surrounding of friends are pretty adventurous kind of. to be specific their background of what kind of person they are, who they really is, and yada yada.. i learnt a lot from my surrounding. oh well sort of. i do miss some of my friends that this semester i hardly talk to them, hang out with them..i miss them. i miss those times. but what to do, everyone have their own life right, so yeahh. doesn't mean i don't talk or hang out with you all, i've forgotten you all, cause for sure i will not :) i miss you all :/

tuition free weeks gonna start soon, but im stuck at Miri.. i do miss my parents like really a lot, but i try to not go back for this free weeks, its pretty hard to control the missing feelings. but even if i chose to go back, i only gonna see them like what? at evening night? since they are working during day time.sigh. i miss you all so much :(

gahhhh! why everything seems doesnt feel right? what happened on friday? it starting on friday that i've been feeling so different.uhu..

hope everything gonna be fine..Amen~

k lah, thats all..sorry for a lame post..

good nite!

It seems like you really wanna try to forget me huh? is it include the person herself? or the feelings? but it seems like its both.. to forget your feeling is what i want u to do, but to forget me, i somehow can't accept it..you know how much i treasure everything in us. i treasure our friendship a lot..but to forget me as a person in your life, i must say that i am so disappointed with how you decide it. i guess you wasn't as mature as you said you are. i know you trying so hard to avoid from having any communication with me to avoid yourself from feeling any feelings that you feel that you know you shouldn't. but just so you know that you are the one that blew it.so its not my fault :/ i know that by you deleting your facebook, i can pretty sure that we will no longer know each other that well anymore. i know why you chose to do that. i guess by that you wouldn't know any updates about me, and i won't know any updates about you too huh? is that what you want? not to know anything about in me? well whatever it is, all the best in life... i try my very best to maintain everything but you can't do it..so what can i say more? nothing... you know the best of how much everything mean a lot to me. so fml and fyl then. :(

..................................................................................

Its pretty cool how we used to talk, we used to chat, but now we hardly can do so.. even by meeting eyes to eyes face to face is hardly be done. i know that you are afraid to see me.. it reminds you of everything huh? its pretty awkward of how we act like nothing ever happen before. but im sure u saw how much i still survive from the nightmare right? i still smiling right? so yupp..

Im so full.. thanks to rick's buns and wendy's leong foon. hahahaha :) hmmmm..something seems bothering my mind since yesterday..wuwuwuwu but i don't know what actually it is.ok maybe i know but i act like i don't know.aha! i miss something..oh yes something? hmmm???? blaahhhhhh..huhuhuhuhu..

ahhhhhh help me... i feel so uneasy ohhhh.. :'( hmmm its gonna holidays soon.but am not going back kk..wooooooo.. :O hmmmmm.

AH!!!!!! i still feel uneasy! damn it. huhuhuhuhuhuhu..why bah u this cla????

oh yahhhhh i like tequila pop..aha!!! thanks to shannon aka the zombie :P

uhuh..back to the basic one.. go to campus and go home following bus..wuwuwu.i enjoyed driving to campus and back though im so noob at it..but at least i can go back anytime i want as compare to bus i have to wait for the right time..bohoooooo. screw it.

something seriously missing..i feel something is seems to be missing.but what cla? and uhhh i miss something.something.something.something.blahhhhh!

i can't deny the fact of me that i hate empty promises ..so im sorry if though is just a very small promises you made that you broke and it really impact me..

to my dearest cuzzie that i love the most, im glad that you found your happiness :) no more flings aight?hahahaha :P

happy to see my loved ones are all happy with their other half. so to you, you know who you are...most my darlinks are attached.so i can't help u.hahahahaha :P

Its pretty cool how a small promise is broke and it can really make me feel so down about.. i think i just can't bare with any empty promises already since em'. so i beg any of you, if you guys can't fulfill your words, please never ever promise me anything k? please....im afraid of empty promises.yes i am.im sick of empty promises.

and uhhhhh..my new housemate is awesome :) though she have difficulty in speaking english, but no worries :) heeee~

and and i watched paranormal activity already!! i survive!!! :)) hahahahahaha..

hmm nothing much to say again..so yeah thats all for now..til den.

xoxo

Third day of class since class started.. still surviving and at the same time my brain still some sort of blur! :S but i gotta work hard to sustain back my brain from not being so blurr or else i might miss out all the knowledge @.@ life being kinda bored at the beginning of semester and i must say perhaps now it is still boring. trying to make my life here seems interesting, but im not sure how.. i miss Jaames :( and and i miss my darlinks that scattering all over the malaysia and switzy. i do envy some of my friends who studying at different uni..their life seems fun though.. i mean you..yes you.. i guess if im studying at the same uni as you, i bet it will be fun huh? but oh well..what to do.. i do need friends here at Miri who i can anytime bring out when im bored..but its pretty hard though cause everyone here have different crowd of friends. i do have friends here who i can have fun with but the thing is it can't be anytime or every time cause they have their own crowd of friends. buhuuu. so yeahhh..

aha! like Jess said.. curtin product is ZERO! LOL.. hahahahah.. thats one of the reason of why curtin suck.LOL. sometime i wish to follow my brother go to Taylors and study rather than curtin. but i've gone this far, so its wasted if i stop just right here.so yeahh i have to bare with it here. :S

till today, im still trying to survive and yeahh i am still surviving. sometimes its stupid to act like nothing ever happen before..but sometimes thats the only way u can do to avoid remembering more about what had happened before. there are times where i felt so free about but there is time where i do feel something seems empty. so thats why i need more fun here. i seriously envy those that having fun with their uni life. mine some sort of boring. i can say.but at least its pretty much getting interesting but yeah still boring on some part of it.. i can't just sit down at home and have nothing to do...i need to do something. ohh but not assignments please.hahahah. blaaa.

okayy it seems like ive been complaining about how bored everything is all about.buhuuu.my bad.

hmmm i guess thats all for now..enough complaining. til then..

lots of love,

cla~